Dinner?

You are hot
Then you are cold

I’m trying
Not to be cold

Are you into me
I really don’t know

If you still want to see me
Please let me know

Ask me out again
I won’t say no

Never again will I say no.

2015 / 2016

So, it’s that time of the year again, time to look back what I have done or achieved in 2015. I’ve been thinking a lot before I sleep lately, about work/ relationship/ goals, well my life, and I’ve always wanted to pen it down, but as you know, I’m not good at expressing my thoughts in words, to be exact, I’m sucks at expressing myself. Oh well, let’s try…

To be honest, I didn’t achieve much this year. My life is pretty much the same as the year before, I don’t think there is any improvement at all! Ahhh sucks. Well at least I’m still alive! Hah!

Let’s start with work. I’ve been with my current company for 2.5 years, I’m not sure if I still enjoy working here. My boss is quite difficult to deal with. Workload, still manageable for me but I find it mundane sometimes, doing the same thing for all events. The only differences/ challenges are the unpredictables like my clients and the rules and regulations of countries. As for the remuneration, my basic salary is not ok, but with the allowance and the bonus, the whole package is still acceptable but I’m still not satisfied. I guess it’s time to look for a better opportunity, I know I’ve been saying this since early 2015 haha, but this time I’m being serious. I don’t see any points of me staying for another one year, I guess the only thing I like about my work is the travelling opportunities that I’ve been given. So far, I had travelled to a few exotic countries, places that I would never thought I would go, obviously this is one of the best experiences I gained working here. But there is nothing much for me to learn here anymore, I have to move forward to gain more. So yea, it’s time to update and refurbish my resume.

Now let’s talk about my social life. Well, my social circle is still small, I still hang out with the same group of friends with only one or two new friends in the group. I have a few small groups of friends and most of my friends are females as I was from a girl high school. Haha. And that’s the reason why I joined Tinder, hoping that I could make some new guy friends. Though I have quit Tinder few months ago, but I have a lot to talk about this but errr I have no idea how to express it here. Let’s try, Haha. I have met up with a few guys, and the “process” is pretty much the same everytime: Match – text – hang out – text – cold – gone. I only keep in touch with a few but we barely text, only random greetings. So I guess no new friends gained. Haha. But through this process I have learned something about myself, I learned that I’m not as strong as I thought. In fact I’m quite vulnerable and fragile. Because I’m afraid to get hurt, I tend to stay distance with people and build a glass wall between us. To break this glass wall, you will need to earn my trust first. I don’t trust people easily, it’s not me being cynical or having trust issue. It’s just that I hate the “gone” part, I feel betrayed after investing my time and my emotion in this relationship. I know I need to have an open mind, I’m trying my best not to be an ice queen and try to be an open book instead.

Speaking of relationship, well I’m pretty much still single, I’ve been texting/ seeing this man. He is somewhat into me but also showing signs of not so into me at the same time, sometimes cold but sometimes hot, which is very unpredictable that got me confused and causing me stressed at work and life as well. I’ve been trying not to treat him coldly and be as warm as I could, but the way he responds kind of reminds me of my “old” self- the unpredictable ice queen. Is he giving me a taste of my own medicine? I hope not. Have faith!

I have signed up for gym membership few months ago and I’ve been trying to work out more ever since by going to classes regularly. I attend the yoga class on Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday; body combat class on Wednesday; and go running at a park on every Sunday morning. Thanks to my sister’s book voucher, I’ve started reading again, and have been reading more compared to last year. I hope this habit continues. I also had cut down my time spend on watching series, I had stopped watching many series including K drama this year, and currently only watching GOT/ WD and Fresh off the Boat. As for my own financial, I still have not started any investment yet. I always wanted to learn about investments but whenever I started reading any finance/ economic related articles, I can’t focus, I lose interest fast. I’ve tried learning many times, I just can’t. That explains why I didn’t major in accounts and finance. This is bad. I need to learn about finance to grow my wealth so that I can do things I want. People say money is not everything, but believe it or not, with money you can do a lot, you can achieve more, including helping the needy. I want to continue to read more and watch less series, so that I got time to do something more useful. I need to have an open mind and be honest with my own feelings. I need to grow, to improve myself inside and out to become better, so that I could meet the right man. I want to learn swimming and exercise more to stay fit. I want to travel more. I want to learn to cook from my mom. I need to correct my walking posture, walk straight! I want to expend my social so that I could meet more people. Many things need to be done, can I do it? Will I do it?