In The Woods

So it’s already the 6th day of 2016, how’s thing going so far for me? Well, to be honest I’m not happy. I’ve been thinking a lot, like really a lot lately and I’m not happy at all because I have this unfinished business in 2015 and this遗憾 feeling is eating me up everyday. On the 1st day on New Year, I was still asking myself whether to bring this unfinished business to 2016 or just forget it totally, leave it behind, start fresh and new in 2016. However, up until today the 6th day, I still haven’t not decided yet as part of me want to let go and start fresh, but the other part of me want to settle it. Yes, I’m stubborn like that sometimes but in a wrong aspect of life.

This unfinished business has been bothering me for days, and of course I did talk to my friends but I can’t be telling them the same problem everyday. It will not be fair for them to listen to my rubbish and receiving my negativity everyday. So here I am, writing it down hoping this will help to clear my thoughts. I actually do not want to write about it, as I don’t want my 1st post in 2016 to be emo and sad. I prefer a happy post of course. But oh well… lol.

Whenever I start to “connect” myself to anyone, I somehow will always expect the worst – gone. So when I started seeing this person, I told myself that do not expect and do not anticipate, just be casual it’s just a fling, if it happens then happens. Yes, that’s what I told myself exactly to protect myself from being hurt by the “gone” part. Because of this, I somehow unintentionally build a glass wall between us. Haihhh. I’m actually the kinda person who will reply your text right away, but with this person, I take about 15- 20 mins (well, also because he does the same) as I don’t want to look needy but deep down inside I wanted to reply straight away. Lol. I also hid my last seen and disabled the blue tick (he has the same setting too) and refrain myself to keep checking on my phone so often because I told myself not to expect nor anticipate, as I’m very clear that both expectation and anticipation will kill me, I will get anxious if I know that he didn’t reply my text after reading it.

So after a few outings, I think I sort of like him. He did dropped hints before but I didn’t know how to reciprocate. Yes, I’m suck like that. And slowly, things turned a bit cold, and I felt it. So I got panicked, I tried to let down my guard a little, I replied his texts not as slow as before to heat things up again. However, I still didn’t feel the heat, I guess I was late to realise that I made the same mistake again. During this period, I was really moody and stressed, so I was cold to him too. As I was about to give up, he asked me out but it was at the wrong time as I wasn’t available during that period. Then he got cold again. So I decided to ask him out instead but he wasn’t available. So things got even colder. There are 3 possible thoughts been running through my head: he could be seeing someone else, or he is having the same thought as I am that he is not sure what I think about him, or maybe he is just not so into me. These thoughts are so powerful that bother me everyday, it’s really frustrating. Part of me want to let go to stop texting him, if he is interested he will find me. But the other part of me is afraid that if I do this, will he think that I do not like him and so decided to stop texting/ seeing me? These thoughts are killing meee, why is this so complicated? I really don’t know what to do. Should I take the risk to ignore him, but deep down hoping that he would text, and move on if he doesn’t? All I need is just an answer from him but I do not have the courage to ask, yes I'm chicken like that.

“Tell me what you feel for me is real or if it's just a game? If it’s real we’ll figure it out, but if it’s not then please let me go.” Blair- Gossip Girl

Dinner?

You are hot
Then you are cold

I’m trying
Not to be cold

Are you into me
I really don’t know

If you still want to see me
Please let me know

Ask me out again
I won’t say no

Never again will I say no.

2015 / 2016

So, it’s that time of the year again, time to look back what I have done or achieved in 2015. I’ve been thinking a lot before I sleep lately, about work/ relationship/ goals, well my life, and I’ve always wanted to pen it down, but as you know, I’m not good at expressing my thoughts in words, to be exact, I’m sucks at expressing myself. Oh well, let’s try…

To be honest, I didn’t achieve much this year. My life is pretty much the same as the year before, I don’t think there is any improvement at all! Ahhh sucks. Well at least I’m still alive! Hah!

Let’s start with work. I’ve been with my current company for 2.5 years, I’m not sure if I still enjoy working here. My boss is quite difficult to deal with. Workload, still manageable for me but I find it mundane sometimes, doing the same thing for all events. The only differences/ challenges are the unpredictables like my clients and the rules and regulations of countries. As for the remuneration, my basic salary is not ok, but with the allowance and the bonus, the whole package is still acceptable but I’m still not satisfied. I guess it’s time to look for a better opportunity, I know I’ve been saying this since early 2015 haha, but this time I’m being serious. I don’t see any points of me staying for another one year, I guess the only thing I like about my work is the travelling opportunities that I’ve been given. So far, I had travelled to a few exotic countries, places that I would never thought I would go, obviously this is one of the best experiences I gained working here. But there is nothing much for me to learn here anymore, I have to move forward to gain more. So yea, it’s time to update and refurbish my resume.

Now let’s talk about my social life. Well, my social circle is still small, I still hang out with the same group of friends with only one or two new friends in the group. I have a few small groups of friends and most of my friends are females as I was from a girl high school. Haha. And that’s the reason why I joined Tinder, hoping that I could make some new guy friends. Though I have quit Tinder few months ago, but I have a lot to talk about this but errr I have no idea how to express it here. Let’s try, Haha. I have met up with a few guys, and the “process” is pretty much the same everytime: Match – text – hang out – text – cold – gone. I only keep in touch with a few but we barely text, only random greetings. So I guess no new friends gained. Haha. But through this process I have learned something about myself, I learned that I’m not as strong as I thought. In fact I’m quite vulnerable and fragile. Because I’m afraid to get hurt, I tend to stay distance with people and build a glass wall between us. To break this glass wall, you will need to earn my trust first. I don’t trust people easily, it’s not me being cynical or having trust issue. It’s just that I hate the “gone” part, I feel betrayed after investing my time and my emotion in this relationship. I know I need to have an open mind, I’m trying my best not to be an ice queen and try to be an open book instead.

Speaking of relationship, well I’m pretty much still single, I’ve been texting/ seeing this man. He is somewhat into me but also showing signs of not so into me at the same time, sometimes cold but sometimes hot, which is very unpredictable that got me confused and causing me stressed at work and life as well. I’ve been trying not to treat him coldly and be as warm as I could, but the way he responds kind of reminds me of my “old” self- the unpredictable ice queen. Is he giving me a taste of my own medicine? I hope not. Have faith!

I have signed up for gym membership few months ago and I’ve been trying to work out more ever since by going to classes regularly. I attend the yoga class on Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday; body combat class on Wednesday; and go running at a park on every Sunday morning. Thanks to my sister’s book voucher, I’ve started reading again, and have been reading more compared to last year. I hope this habit continues. I also had cut down my time spend on watching series, I had stopped watching many series including K drama this year, and currently only watching GOT/ WD and Fresh off the Boat. As for my own financial, I still have not started any investment yet. I always wanted to learn about investments but whenever I started reading any finance/ economic related articles, I can’t focus, I lose interest fast. I’ve tried learning many times, I just can’t. That explains why I didn’t major in accounts and finance. This is bad. I need to learn about finance to grow my wealth so that I can do things I want. People say money is not everything, but believe it or not, with money you can do a lot, you can achieve more, including helping the needy. I want to continue to read more and watch less series, so that I got time to do something more useful. I need to have an open mind and be honest with my own feelings. I need to grow, to improve myself inside and out to become better, so that I could meet the right man. I want to learn swimming and exercise more to stay fit. I want to travel more. I want to learn to cook from my mom. I need to correct my walking posture, walk straight! I want to expend my social so that I could meet more people. Many things need to be done, can I do it? Will I do it?

Random Facts About Me (2015)

Heyyyyyyyy!

I'm back after a long hiatus of two years. Can't believe that I've abandoned the little space here for so long. I never actually abandoned it, I come back here once in awhile to read my past. There were a few times I wanted to update, but gave up after after writing halfway as I had no idea how to continue because I have difficulties expressing myself. Hence, the long hiatus. Haha.

But since today, I mean now, I have to urge to update this little space here so I decided to update the "Random Facts About Me" which was written in 2008. I'm so glad I wrote it in 2008, I'm sure I've changed in 7 years and I also want to find out how much I have changed. I guess this will be an interesting update. Oh, I'm gonna change my profile picture too. That picture was taken ages ago, but dress I'm wearing in the picture is still in my closet. Haha.

So yup, let's start!

2008 vs 2015

1. My name is Hui Yen.
2. Full name is.. . . ... Not gonna tell you here, Find out yourselves. =P

Name is still Hui Yen (duh!) and I still don't have an English name.

I sometimes feel that I need one for my work because 95% of my clients are foreigners and majority of them called me Hui instead of Yen and I've been addressed as Mr in emails countless times. But I have never bother to put a Miss in my email signature as I love how they react when they realised that I'm actually a Miss not a Mr. Am I childish / unprofessional? Well well well, I consider this as a small part of joy in my work, call me childish, I don't care :p

3. I was born on 24-7-1988. So buy me presents on 24/7. *eyebrows go up and down*
So I'm turning 27 this year. OMGWTF feeling old now. Time flies huh.

4. My feet sizes are 4 (Vincci Shoes). My cousin says that shoes with size 4 are not shoes. She can't accept the fact that there are people still wearing size 4 and she thinks that size 4 is for kiddo...
Exact size should be 4.5
Sometimes I think my feet are so small that I find it difficult to find a fitting pair of heels.

5. I'm gonna be 20 soon and I still don't know how to bike and swim.

Waaaa, reading this feeling so old. I wrote this when I was 20! OMG!!

Typing this in 2015, I'm proud to announce that I know how to ride a bicycle, I learned it myself few years ago. However, a small accident happened last week on 1st May 2015, I went cycling with a group of friend and I fell from the bike and hurt my chin. And to make thing worse, I injured my friend as well :( I hope he is feeling better now. As for myself, my bruises are slowing fading and I have a yellow chin now. Haha.

Sad news, I still can't swim. I'm gonna take up swimming lesson too. *determined*

6. I have been asking myself to go for yoga classes since 16, now I still do.

Well, I finally went for the class last year in 2014, which is 10 years after 16. LOL! But I stopped few months after because I was busy with work and I promise I'll sign up for yoga classes again! *determined*

7. I have 2 sisters. One is 5 years older than me and another one is 9 years younger than me.
So my elder sis got married last year and she is currently living with her hubby and seven dogs in Kampar. Yes, 7 dogs.
Whereas my younger sis is turning 18 soon, and she has been mistaken as my friend/ my older sis a few times. Poor baby sis :P

8. I call my father Daa-daa-deee.
I prefer to call him Daa-dee now

9. Hillary Duff's Metamorphosis and JJ's Heaven are the only original CDs I own.
Yea, and I'm still supporting download. Looool!

10. When I want something from my mom, I call her MeeEEee~
Yup, still do this.

11. My family used to call me Jingle Bell.
Yea, and I named all my devices Jinglebell.

12. I love dark chocolates and I don't eat milk chocolates.
Still hate milk/ white chocolates. Dark chocolates FTW!

13. I have no idea why people love cheese tarts and cheese cakes, I don't eat cheese!
Yuppp, I still don't eat cheese. Call me weirdo, I don't mind.

14. The only comic I read is Detective Conan.
Hahhaha, yuppp. I can't remember when was the last time i read one.

15. I started to eat vege this year, around March.
Vege is yummmm but not all. I'm still a picky eater though :(

16. I have two cousins (V and J) who are same age as me.
V is the daughter of my mom's older sister
whereas J is my dad's younger brother's son.
Get me? LOL! Both are few months younger than me!
V is now working in Singapore as a consultant.
J is a chartered accountant.
Both are successful.

17. I'm 2cm taller than my elder sister. *proud*
Still taller than her, still tallest among my sisters and I'm only 156cm.

18. I love half boil egg yolk.
Loveeeee! Make me poached eggs pleaseeee.

19. I eat Nasi Lemak without sambal and chilis.
Yuup but I can't remember when was the last time I had nasi lemak. Not a fan.

20. I always wanted the soup of my instant noodles is made of half-boil egg yolk.
Instant noodles cover by egg yolks, yum yum~
Refer to fact 18. Yes, I love egg yolk this much.

21. I'm a peanut butter freak. I eat it by the spoonful.
Still am. Jif peanut butter is the best!

22. I take less than 20 minutes to shower.
Yea. I can never understand how people can spend one hour in the shower.

23. Chocolate cakes make me sick, sometimes.
Hahahha. Really?!?! hahahahaha! But I love them nowww. Especially chocolate mousse cake.

24. Lollipops, Candies and Sweets are what I loathe. I used to like them when I was a kid.
Still hate them. But I have mints in my bag though.

25. I seldom listen to radio.
I listen to the radio when I drive. I play it real load and sing along most of the time. So don't be surprised if you see me singing, grooving, nodding my head in my car as I drive.

26. Roti Canai, Roti Telur/ Telur Planta are the only mamak food I’d order if I go to a Mamak.

Hahahaha. Yesssss. LOL! Until now, I still have no idea what to order in Mamak. So I normally order these because to be honest, I'm not really a fan of mamak, as I'm not a fan of mamak food except Rotis.

27. I have only been to KTV once. I didn’t sing, I ate and camwhored.
Not anymoreeee. Hahahah. Karaoke is one of the best way to destress besides clubbing (oppps)

28. Mandy Moore's Only Hope and Cry are the only songs I listen to a gazillion times.
Ahhh classics. Time flies. Many good songs currently stuck in my head now.

29. I'm a sucker for potatoes, sushi and black pepper.
Yes, Yes, Yes!!!

30. I have only been to BERJAYA Times Square (not the NY T.S) once, which was in 2005 with school to watch some IMAX shows.

Hahahaah. Not after I realised it was actually a shopping paradise. Clothes were so cheap there few years ago, and I went there just to shop. Then the price went up, and I don't shop there anymore.

31. I never been to Sungai Wang with friends.
I’ve only been there less than 5 times, each time less than 1 hour with family.
Hahahaha! Please refer to point 30. Same answer.

32. Slim, handy, light and not bulky Gadgets will get my attention.
Yeaaaaa.

33. To be honest, I don’t really like Mamak stalls.
Yup, because I'm not a fan of mamak food except Rotis. Refer to Fact 26.

34. The Samsung I’m using now is my 2nd phone.

First phone was an green Alcatel my dad got for me. I hated the colour so much and I even asked my dad to spray it Silver and he did. (sound like a spoilt kid but I'm not. Btw my dad is awesome and that's why I love him)

Second was a flip Samsung phone. Tiny and handy. My dad got it for me on my 16th birthday.

Third phone was a hand-me-down Nokia from my elder sis.

Forth phone was Samsung S2 which I bought in 2012.

Currently using a Mi3 which I bought last year.

If you realise, I don't really care about the phone trend. I always think spending thousands on a phone is not worth it and I know I can never catch up with the technology. Hence, I seldom change my phone.

35. P.Yan and I graduated from the same Kindergarten, Primary and Secondary school.

She got married last year in US and I miss her dearly. Whenever I see pictures of other on FB, they always remind me of my own BFF. I Love her and miss her to bits!

36. I love wearing shorts but I hate hot pants.
Still do and flip floops too but I do enjoy dressing up too.

37. Hello Kitty was my favorite cartoon before it gets popular.
Hahahha!!

38. Clumsy and forgetful, I am.
Hahaha. Yea I guess I'm still clumsy and forgetful but better now.

39. White is my favorite colour, since 2006.
White is still my favourite colour.

40. I don’t like milk.
I've been forcing myself to drink it.

41. I have names for all my toys but I have forgotten all.
Hahaha yuppp!

42. My handwriting is horrible.
Oh yes, fugly! Sometimes I can't understand my own handwriting.

43. I enjoy playing with Hula Hoop!
Oh yesss.

44. No piercings, no tattoos on my body. I’ve never pierce my ears before.
Yup. Still nope.

45. I always smell the apple before I eat it.
Yess still do.

46. Chicken McNugget is my favourite fast food.
Not anymore. I cant't remember when was the last time I had it. But McD is still my fav food food chain. Oh and I loveeeee pizza too!

47. I’m Poc.
P.Yan is Toc!
We are Poc-Toc!!

48. I’ve never been to night club.
Hahaha! So I popped my night club cherry last year at Zouk. It was not bad.
Yes, I had my first clubbing experience last year, 2014. Laugh la laugh.

49. My first pair of spectacles was black.
And my first pair of "expensive" glasses is a pair of RayBan.

50. I created this blog because I was attracted by the blog page designs of other bloggers.
And I hope I will update this little space here more often.

So I've updated all 50 random facts. I don't feel good. I don't think I've improved at all. What did I do in the past 7 years? Did I do something proud? Oh man, did I waste it?! Danggg. Gotta do and learn something! I can and will do it!

May 2014 be Better than 2013 !

Oh Hi blog! It's been a long time... like a reaaaaaally looong time!! I can't believe that the last time I blogged was in January! Oh mai, 11 months ago! wth! But no worries cuz I'm posting one now, I suddenly have the urge to update my blog, since the "ohm" is here, I shall not waste it! And it's gonna be a loooong post! Yay!

So hello, hello! Hello December *stare at calendar* can't believe that 2013 is coming to an end. Well, time flies really fast huh. Looking back at the past 11 months, I can say that I'm quite impressed and surprised at myself. *Ahem! Feeling proud* I quit my boring HR job in April and decided to join an event company in May. I hated my first permanent job so much that I felt so useless everyday when I go to work. I started serious job hunting in January and I've been applying for marketing and event jobs for months but failed to get one because most of them required related working experience. I was really devastated. Until one day, as usual I was browsing JS and I found this company, and the title was "ManagementTrainee" the minute I saw this title, I knew I had a chance for interview because:

1. "ManagementTrainee" doesn’t require experience

2. "ManagementTrainee" also means you do everything anything they asked aka cheap labour.

I don't mind doing pt2 as long as I get to learn and gain some experience, cuz I really wanna quit HR and join marketing/ events, hence I really need the related experience to change field and bring myself to the next level. As I read the JD further, something got my attention- all events from the company are in overseas, which means I get to travel for free! So yea, not bad right? And so, I applied. Few days later or one week I can't remember, I received a call from the secretary and it was an interview invite. When there is an interview invite, just go and collect information, observe the environment and the people, then decide. That's what I do.

So I went to the interview, to my dismay, the minute I opened the door I was disappointed. The office environment was really a turn off- it was old and dusty. I was being asked to sit at an empty cubicle to wait for my turn, and the place was really dusty, I could even doodle on the table with fingers! After waited 30 mins, I went in the room and saw the Managing Director, first thought was: Wahlao, a gweilo eh?! Then I got bit worried cuz I was afraid that he might not understand my bloken engrish. But the interview went fine and I got to meet my supervisor too. The MD told me that they would finalize the hiring today and will call me in the afternoon if i'm hired, and I was like Wait WHATTTT?!! TODAY in the afternoon?!!! I wasn't prepared at all, I went for the interview just to collect info and I really hate the environment. So I went home and told my parents about the interview and the office environment, but the JD is really interesting though, cuz it's a totally different field and it's challenging too cuz it required lotsa communications dealing with oversea hotels/ contractors/ clients. Majority, like 90% of our clients are foreigners. So yes, big challenges for an introvert like me eh!

I still remember, it was around 3pm+, I was taking a short nap at the living room and I heard my phone ringing in my room. My heart beating real fast and I was so afraid that I got hired. (Wah, so muka tebal) So I dragged myself to my room and saw a missed call from the MD and he actually left a voice mail for me. When I was just about to call him back, he called me instead. So my instinct was right! I got the job offer but I was so hesitant to take the offer, and the major reason was because the office environment. Big turn off.

So I told my parents about the offer and after a looonggggg dilemma, I finally decided to take the offer because life is short so let’s make the best of it, live it with no regret! *Fuiyooh* But if I really hate it, well just quit and get a new job. No harm trying right? So this, is how I got my current job and it’s actually not as bad as I thought! There are ups and downs of course, like 2 colleagues in my team left after my first month and when I was in my 2nd month, my supervisor left for KLCC after 3 years working in my current company, leaving me alone in the Exhibition team for 2 months until we found a replacement. Oh, if you're curious about the office environment. Well, it's much better now! One day I had lunch with the HR and he asked me what I think about the company, so I told him my honest opinion, office is dusty and my nose itches everyday since I started to work here. So one week after that, MD bought an air purifier (Yay!) and the part time cleaner comes few times a week instead of just once a week. (Double Yay!!) :) 

The fun thing about my current job is the travelling part. I have the chance to travel for free and also travel to places that I don’t think I would go. My first event was in Vietnam in July, then was Istanbul in September and followed by PE, South Africa in November. If my supervisor didn't leave this co, I don't think I would have the chance to travel. Kekeke. The workload sometimes is heavy and stressful though, as my boss aka the MD is demanding and impatient most of the time especially when he is moody and grumpy. But oh well, still a better job than my previous one. 

Quitting my old job and getting a new one is considered as one of my achievements in 2013. I hope I've made the right choice joining my current co, please continue to be awesome and wonderful in 2014! *Pray Hard*

Apart from getting a new job, nothing exciting happens. I’m still the same me, still shy in front of strangers but crazy when with friends. I guess if I’m still working at my previous co, my life would be dull and boring, because most of the funny/ stupid/ happening stories happened in my new job. Wah, I guess I really like my new job cuz most of the things I wrote here in this post are related to it. Maybe I’m still fresh and new, but I hope this feeling will last longer, at least two years laaa please.

Just a few more days, I will need to change my organizer and getting a new calendar. I’m gonna think of a new list of resolutions and I hope I can achieve all, if not half would be good too! (I didn’t even achieve half of my 2013 resolutions!) There is one thing I hope to get in 2014, please, please, please make it happen! I want an awesome, good looking and brainy boyfriend!

May 2014 be wonderful and awesome! Cheers for an awesome year, I look forward to another great year!

xoxo